You’re on a first date and not even halfway through your cocktail but find yourself already thinking about the all-important question—should I even bother with a second date?
In our last blog post, we discussed three pitfalls you want to avoid to be sure you give each first date a legitimate chance (3 First Date Don'ts to Help You Decide if You Do Want Date #2). In this post we’ll dig a little deeper in tackling the first date dilemma. Ask yourself the three questions below to decide if date #1 warrants a date #2.
- Have I gathered enough information?
Obviously, the purpose of a first date is to get to know each other, but there’s only so much you can learn in just a few short hours! Unless something drastic occurs, you’ll definitely want to schedule a second date in order to have more time to get an accurate “read” on each other. After all, there’s really no downside to agreeing to go out again and the upside is—who knows? Sparks might fly during your second meeting when the two of you know each other a little better and are more relaxed!
- Do our values appear to align?
When dating, we tend to focus on personality and chemistry—and of course, these matter a great deal—but we should also emphasize values. Simply put, when you and your partner hold similar value systems, doing life together is infinitely easier—you experience life from the same vantage point and ultimately have fewer things to argue about! As you get to know someone, pay close attention to anything related to values e.g. time management, financial decisions, or how family relationships and friendships are prioritized. If, on a first date, you detect evidence of dramatically different values, then getting together again probably doesn’t make sense. But if you don’t, there’s no reason not to move forward with date #2.
- How am I feeling during this date?
But perhaps the most important question to ask is, “How do I feel with this person?” Nervous jitters aside, do you feel fairly at ease with your date—at least as comfortable as you can be with someone you’ve just met? Here the old adage applies—trust your gut. If being together makes you feel somewhere between so-so and pretty good, then planning to see each other again is a great idea. But if you feel extremely uncomfortable or you’re just plain not-at-all interested, listen to your gut—it’s telling you this person isn’t for you. In that case, skip a second date and move on to someone else.
Ultimately, the point of a first date is to figure out if you want a second one. Based on the suggestions above, unless you’ve discovered a flat out deal-breaker, value misalignment, or gut-level red flag, go ahead and schedule date #2! You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain!
This month, It’s Just Lunch is celebrating 30 years of first dates and success stories.
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